We know the statistics related to the likelihood of divorce in this country is upwards of 50%. One of my best friends on the verge of marriage to her fiance spotted this article in the New York Times which, put simply, highlights the top things couples do not adequately discuss before saying their vows; the most common marriage deal-breakers. The list covers children, money, chores, health, sex, family, religion, career, and commitment.

Interestingly enough, as I read through the list I realized Special K and I have discussed everything on it in detail, save #7, and we're only in our 4th month of couple-dom. That made me wonder how so many serious couples still skip the conversations that matter most. If you are planning a marriage, these questions should not be optional or left for later. The whole point of dating seriously is to learn what kind of life the other person expects.

The one exception was the television in the bedroom, and by default that is already a no, since neither one of us care for TV very much. But the bigger point is that compatibility is not just chemistry or attraction. It also means knowing what kind of life you are building together before you say your vows. A couple can agree on all the little comforts and still fall apart over the big issues. If you cannot talk about the basics, you are not ready for the marriage.

How is it possible that these topics don't automatically make it to the forefront of a communication agenda with a serious significant other? It boggles my mind. If the relationship is real, the hard questions should come up naturally, because ignoring them only makes the marriage more fragile later. People act like love is enough to carry the load, but love without discussion is just optimism with a ring on it.